Friday, March 13, 2009

Differences

I've started to notice a lot of little and some big differences between my first and current pregnancies. It's sort of amazing how different it feels to have already "done" this once before, but to know that this is going to be the last time that I will ever have these experiences and be pregnant. It's surreal.
Here are some things that I've noticed...

Obsession. I can honestly say that I was a little obsessed with pregnancy when I was pregnant with Avery. I read about it everyday, thought about it every minute and talked about it whenever I could. I attributed every feeling and experience to the pregnancy. I'm sure that I was a little annoying to the people around me...but I couldn't help it. Pregnancy (and still is) such an amazing thing. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Now, this pregnancy feels so different. I don't have the time or energy to obsess. If I obsess too much, then I am taking time and energy away from Avery...which isn't fair. When I was pregnant before, everything other than the pregnancy seemed so much more insignificant, but now...I know that Avery brought so much significance to my life, that I know our new baby will only add to that meaning.

Nervousness. I was extremely nervous during my pregnancy with Avery. I was constantly scared of what each "feeling" meant. Leg cramps?...oh no, something must be wrong with the baby. Back pain?...I hope this isn't back labor. Nausea? I hope I didn't eat too much Indian food and hurt the baby. I was a little anxious. Then, you add the fact that this was all brand new. I didn't know what to expect in regards to labor, or delivery, or anything else for that matter. It was all brand new. This time?....I feel a little more confident. I know more about what to expect. My nervousness doesn't have as much to do with the pregnancy as it does with bringing another baby home. I'm not as concerned with every ache and pain as I am with how Avery will adjust to being a big sister. I want her to be involved, but also to be important in her own right. I've realized that having a baby is soooo much more than being pregnant...and I'm a little nervous that I'm not prepared for two.

Certainty. There were so many things that I thought I was 100% certain about when I was pregnant with Avery. I knew that I wasn't going to have a C-Section...so I didn't even pay attention in birthing class to the C-section portion. I knew that I was going to breastfeed. Now, I look back, and I realize that there was so much that I didn't know. This time around, there are a lot of things that I plan on changing. I know that I will be having a scheduled C-Section. I know that I will be surprised when they tell us if it is a boy or girl. Now, I know that I will ask for more help in the hospital. I will meet with the lactation consultant right away, and I will allow the baby to sleep in the nursery at night. That's about all I know for sure.

In about 20 weeks, I'm going to be a mother of 2....two.....TWO kids! I'm certain that with Chris and Avery and the rest of our family that we will make it all work...no matter the lack of sleep, or the crazy hormones, or the uncertainty.

On a separate note...Avery has been so adorable in regards to the baby. She loves to read to the baby at night. All three of us snuggle into our bed, and Avery pulls up my shirt so she can be close to my belly. She leans in so she can talk into my belly button. Then, she'll say to the baby "hello lil' peanut...how are you today?" Then she follows up with a zerbert to my belly. After we read the stories, she'll lay her head back down on my belly and says goodnight to the baby. The other night, she said "hey lil' peanut, I know you love me, but I have to go nuh-night now. I love you." So freakin' sweet.