Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Lighten things up a little.

Well, since my last post was a little on the heavy side, this post will be a little lighter. Well, I guess if you consider my "top 5 people I want to punch in the neck" as a lighter post. I find if funny that my follow up post to the "religion post" is so violent. I guess I didn't want to lose my "edge". My inspiration for this post came from a facebook thing that's been floating around, and ALSO from food network. I just came down from putting Avery down for her nap, and one of the most annoying people EVER was on TV....which leads me to the.

#1 person that I want to punch in the throat- Sandra Lee. This arrogant, snotty, patronizing woman drives me up a wall! Unfortunately, she has some pretty good, easy recipes, which makes me even more mad! I HATE that she decorates her stupid kitchen to match her stupid theme for the stupid day (who does that? Who has a kitchenaid mixer in every color? who has time to go to the craft store just to get something to match her pea risotto?). I HATE that she never does the back of her hair (does she think that she we won't notice when she turns around? If you have the time to match your outfit to the color of the kitchen, then please find the time to run a brush through your hair!). I HATE that she thinks that everything she does is "the best", or "perfect", or "brilliant". ('s peanut butter and jelly...using a cookie cutter does NOT make it "brilliant"). Finally, I HATE that her "tablescapes" all have to have a theme, and are typically butt ugly. I don't have the time or energy to make a separate table cloth to match each type of meat I make. I don't have the energy to make placecards out of seed packets each time my parents come to visit. I definitely DO NOT CARE enough to make sure that I have a centerpiece that is made from a mixture of dollar store crap, Michaels junk, and tulle. Stuff if Sandra...if I met you in an alley...I would punch you in the neck (then I would ask you how to make your famous Beer Cocktails).

#2 person that I want to punch in the throat- Ann Coultier. Enough said. I don't think I've ever heard anyone who is as hateful and condescending as her. If I weren't so afraid of her amazonian stilletos, I would totally challenge her to a cage fight.

#3 person that I want to punch in the throat- Donald Trump. I get're rich and successful...but that does not make you better than the rest of the world. He's' arrogant and rude. He makes people feel bad about themselves, and places judgement on people like his name is Judy. Of course, I watch the Apprentice when I can catch it, but I do not watch it from the kneeling position, awaiting the opportunity to kiss his feet. With all that said...I would LOVE to borrow (ie...have) about a million dollars from him.

# 4 person that I want to punch in the throat- Mariah Carey. I know that her relationship to Tommy Matolla was not good. BUT, I miss the Vision of Love Mariah. I miss her one skimpy black dress, and big curly hair. In the past few years...she's been a HOT MESS, and I'm not just talking about her "breakdown". Have you seen the crap that she has been wearing? It's getting shorter and nastier. The worst part is that she does this crazy dance (that really isn't a dance) that makes it look like she is having sex with herself. The dance screams (HELLO...I'M REALLY INSECURE WITH MYSELF, AND I NEED TO BE OGGLED IN ORDER TO FEEL IMPORTANT!)

#5 person that I want to punch in the throat- Paris Hilton. Has she made any real contribution to the world? I know that there were some sad people that wanted to be her friend on VH1, and she was so important that she could only choose one. BUT, what makes her important? I'm confused...why is she considered someone to watch? Why do people care what she wears or says, but more importantly...why do people want to be her friend? I guess I understand a little...I mean, if I were her friend, I would totally borrow her jewelry and purses (because that's the only stuff that would fit me), but other than that...I don't get it. She seems to have ZERO personality, and even less charm or worth to the world around her. At least I know that if I ran into her in an alley (and she didn't have bodyguards or Brandon Davis around to call me fire crotch), I could totally take her...all it would take is a kick to her skinny shin, and she would drop her drink and say "that's not hot"...and cry.

Now, there are a lot more people that I believe could use a nice punch in the throat, honorable mentions go to:
Sean Hannity
George W. Bush
Dennis Rodman
Heather Graham
Celine Dion

I know that this post was not nice.

The End.


sjflinders said...

Not necessarily a "nice" post. But it was enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

So I guess this means my next grand child won't be names Paris, Donald, Sandra, Ann or Mariah.
Guess Who

tania said...

OMG, I completely agree with wanting to punch Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity. They are so hateful. Can you imagine having a job where your sole purpose is to divide people, judge people, and call anyone who happens to disagree with you unpatriotic and "Godless"?